Resilient Church Leaders, Part 5: Responding to People in the Church Who are Suffering When We Disagree

When considering the prospect of challenging another person’s beliefs or understandings, especially when he or she is in pain, it is rarely wise to rush in on an impulse.

Question 1: How do you correct someone's errant theology while still being supportive and compassionate to his or her suffering?

First, take your time. When considering the prospect of challenging another person’s beliefs or understandings, especially when he or she is in pain, it is rarely wise to rush in on an impulse. A well-known theorist and psychotherapist once said, “The problem with emotions is that they happen too fast.”

Many of us were raised in a culture that encouraged us to hurry past painful feelings and look quickly for the next action or the solution to our pain. It is a gift to anyone we care for to give them our time and the space to feel what they are feeling. This time and specific type of space can also be beneficial to us as we consider how to approach making a correction. We may also need some time to sort through our feelings before we know what we want to do or say.

Second, use the resources of time, prayer, and wise counsel from others to consider your motivations for making a correction. Although a part of our motivations may be altruistic, it is also likely that our “pure” intentions also have some selfish and prideful motivations mixed in. In these moments, it is usually unwise to simply “go with your gut” without input from others, as we are likely to have only part of the picture of our true motivations at any moment. This process of discernment requires humility and a willingness to be corrected yourself.

Third, let love lead. Remember that the biblical motivation behind correcting a fellow Christian should always be about encouraging a close, unified relationship with God and the church. Ask God to cultivate authentic love for the other person in ...